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A Woman's Power

I’m told that I’m very open about my thoughts and feelings when I write. I guess that’s true and I guess I don’t know how else I could possibly write. When a friend of mine looked through my posts on Reddit, that’s what he said about a specific comment. Here’s what I had written:

“I think people have largely forgotten the value of being truly emotionally intimate with one another. I, as a woman, enjoy casual sex and dressing as provocatively as I want, but that doesn’t mean I don’t crave and want genuine closeness. I want a man with whom I can be intimate in more than just the physical sense; I don’t want money nor the absurd, self-sacrificial devotion that the media perpetuates as a romantic relationship. Is that really that much of a risk? Don’t men crave that too? Casual sex is fun, but have you ever had sex with somebody you truly love? Shit hits different, bro.”

The original post was absurd. I don’t even remember it all that clearly but I do remember that it was absurd. They removed it from the subreddit, but considering that the title of the post was “Women are oversaturating themselves”, it was probably something about how if women are dressing too promiscuously, then why bother having sex with them if you’ve already seen all the goods? Yeah, totally.

I commented on another post on r/dating_advice, where the question was, “Why are so many people caught up in party and hookup culture?” I said something about how it’s a carousel that’s spinning too fast to step off. I said it’s such easy fun, it might as well be addictive.

Yeah, I tell myself that I’m not gonna let a guy pick me up with a cheap line and then leave before the morning, but it’s so easy. I know I’ll like it because I’m drunk, and I’ve often just ended up caving. Did you cave? It’s so much easier because I’m at college. It’s insane; at a college of 2.5k kids, I know (or at least know of) most people at these parties. It’s easy. The cheapest way of finding somebody is by asking about a mutual class you’ve had with the person. “Oh, man, didn’t we have a class together? Oh, yeah, that prof was wild.”

I’m told that I’m more honest than a lot of women when it comes to the sexual/romantic sphere. I’ve noticed that lots of women don’t like hearing about or acknowledging it, especially when women I’ve spoken to have shown literal discomfort and shamed me when I’ve admitted to the mystical ability a woman has to captivate a man with a few simple words and a few simple gestures. I think ignorance appears to be bliss in a post-feminist era.

The contemporary dynamics of dating and sex didn’t really exist before second wave feminism, but now that women have gained greater economic, social, and sexual independence, women now hold power. One would think that women would be much more direct about this power that they hold in sex and dating, then, right? I’d think that an embrace of this new, remarkably powerful position would involve a clear admittance to it. But no, apparently, that would cause a woman to lose all the leverage she holds in a sexual/romantic encounter, so it seems like most wouldn’t dare do it. How unfortunate. It’s fun.

Women can’t admit to their power, and men should just hold it steady-fast eternally, regardless of the consequences. That’s what toxic masculinity suggests, at least. Men are often told to stop being a bitch and get over it when experiencing emotional turmoil. There is a reason why men successfully commit suicide at a much higher rate than women, while women attempt it (albeit unsuccessfully) more often. Women are, on average, culturally, more allowed to do things as a cry for help, as far as I’ve understood.

I’m not an idiot. I don’t like women’s performance of such a stupid, clear lie, ignoring their power, when they know exactly what they’re doing. I think it’s just part of toxic femininity, the other side of toxic masculinity, all imposed by our society’s patriarchal past. I think women should truly embrace femininity and all the power that comes with it. And don’t get me wrong, I love performing too, but at least I’m truly upfront about myself, who I am, and the power I hold: the way I dress, do my make up, walk, carry myself, look at things, talk, use hand gestures, etc. I’ve been told I’m a bit of a succubus, even, considering how I carry my power. I don’t mind it.

Everything is performance, especially in the era of social media and especially when society’s on the web. Are you having fun in 2020? I sure am.