Subscribe to my mailing list!

What's New?

Jaded Hearts & Shattered Mirrors

On Vanity and the Art of People-Watching

I enjoy people-watching. I’m jaded right now and feel bored just because I’ve realized (or maybe remembered) that every story seems the same when you look at it from a distance. Every story has a beginning, middle, and end. Stepping back far enough from anything at all, the details become fuzzy. But even though we’re clearly not that special or interesting, we’re still so obsessed with ourselves. When I watch people go by, I’ve seen far too many of them be absolutely captivated by every opportunity to stare at their own image. Walking past the slightest reflective surface, they can’t help but stare. At least it’s not as bad as walking down the street taking pouty selfies… I mean, I’m not against taking selfies because I do see the value in capturing the memories you experience even when you’re alone, but— and maybe this is just my boredom and jaded heart speaking— but your face shouldn’t be as interesting as your soul and mind.


For Nikolai

Nikolai Muchegian died in November 2022. I didn’t know he had died until five months after it had happened, actually. I just thought he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. He and I don’t have any pictures of us together, but he was an important part of my life and my growth since the moment I met him. I guess I’m writing this essay as a recording of my memories, to supplement the missing photos. His death was a shock to me, and I suppose that this essay is some sort of eulogy. I’ve never lost somebody like this before, and it is… uncomfortable at best, and terrifying at worst. I wish I could’ve gone to the funeral or even knew where he was buried. But I don’t, and so I cope.


Love's Labyrinth

Reverse Engineering Dating as a Game Of Pachinko

There’s a distinction between complicated and complex in the context of the English language; complicated things carry the heavy implication of difficulty, while complex things do not. Interestingly, the opposite seems to be implied in the world of engineering. Complicated systems with complicated problems are predictable, while complex systems with complex problems are not. Understanding romantic relationships and how they form is both complicated and complex, in every sense of the word. I think this process can be likened to creating a topic model– extract latent themes and connections between individuals, and uncover the underlying structure of our interactions and emotions.


Sunny and 75: Spring Break 2022

Written on a Plane

I’ve never been to a place where it’s warm all the time. I’ve also never been on a vacation by choice, up until now. It had always been family vacations where I had no control over where we went and what we did; typically, we either ended up in Bumblefuck, Poland or somewhere in upstate New York. I didn’t really think I could afford a tropical vacation by myself but then I realized that my workaholic self actually made money during that internship I did last summer, and I remembered that money is earned to be spent. I’m glad I had a friend with whom I could go— if it wasn’t for her nudging, I doubt that I would’ve found the bravery to ever leave my basement. Spring break is such a major milestone of every college experience, and as a senior, it’s about time I literally choose to broaden my horizons.


Nightmare on Park Street

My Thoughts on the 1984 Cult Horror Classic

I like Nancy from Nightmare On Elm Street (1984). She’s sweet and yet strong; she’s characterized by bravery. Her character arc resonates with mine, I think. Freddy Kruger haunting the dreams of her and her friends makes me think of how I’ve been struggling with sleep recently, mostly just because of the day-to-day anxieties of being a college student and the typical wandering thoughts of a young woman who spends too much time alone.