The Shape of Me (But Make It Complicated)

Because why settle for simplicity when you can be a cosmic riddle?

I’m learning that being human means living with contradiction. There’s this ache, this relentless hunger to be seen, but also a fierce need to protect the most fragile parts of myself. I want to be wholly here, yet untethered, free. And somehow, I keep finding pieces of myself in the spaces I thought I’d left behind—in the people I’ve almost forgotten, in the smoke of long-ago nights, and in the words I try to wrap around it all. I’m a shape in motion, a story that refuses to end, endlessly shifting, season by season.

The Computational Dynamics of Tomb Raider

PSPACE Complexity in Game Evolution

I wrote this paper in college with a really good friend of mine during the Spring of 2022. Shout out to that guy. Let me know if you want your name on this.

Tomb Raider, a late-90s video game featuring the iconic character Lara Croft, presents players with the adventurous pursuits of an athletic British archaeologist navigating treacherous environments with mortal health and breath. Having been reimagined and remastered a total of three times, the gameplay has always encompassed exploration, platforming, combat, and puzzle-solving. The game, when stripped of its exploration and combat, can be articulated as gadgets, described by Jayson Lynch[1], leading to the classification of Tomb Raider as PSPACE-complete.

Jaded Hearts & Shattered Mirrors

On Vanity and the Art of People-Watching

I enjoy people-watching. I’m jaded right now and feel bored just because I’ve realized (or maybe remembered) that every story seems the same when you look at it from a distance. Every story has a beginning, middle, and end. Stepping back far enough from anything at all, the details become fuzzy. But even though we’re clearly not that special or interesting, we’re still so obsessed with ourselves. When I watch people go by, I’ve seen far too many of them be absolutely captivated by every opportunity to stare at their own image. Walking past the slightest reflective surface, they can’t help but stare. At least it’s not as bad as walking down the street taking pouty selfies… I mean, I’m not against taking selfies because I do see the value in capturing the memories you experience even when you’re alone, but— and maybe this is just my boredom and jaded heart speaking— but your face shouldn’t be as interesting as your soul and mind.

For Nikolai

Nikolai Muchegian died in November 2022. I didn’t know he had died until five months after it had happened, actually. I just thought he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. He and I don’t have any pictures of us together, but he was an important part of my life and my growth since the moment I met him. I guess I’m writing this essay as a recording of my memories, to supplement the missing photos. His death was a shock to me, and I suppose that this essay is some sort of eulogy. I’ve never lost somebody like this before, and it is… uncomfortable at best, and terrifying at worst. I wish I could’ve gone to the funeral or even knew where he was buried. But I don’t, and so I cope.

Love's Labyrinth

Reverse Engineering Dating as a Game Of Pachinko

There’s a distinction between complicated and complex in the context of the English language; complicated things carry the heavy implication of difficulty, while complex things do not. Interestingly, the opposite seems to be implied in the world of engineering. Complicated systems with complicated problems are predictable, while complex systems with complex problems are not. Understanding romantic relationships and how they form is both complicated and complex, in every sense of the word. I think this process can be likened to creating a topic model– extract latent themes and connections between individuals, and uncover the underlying structure of our interactions and emotions.